well that is not the point. The point is... I feel so lonely in a tuesday afternoon. I wonder where do everyone go, i mean i know the location of some of them, either in the library or their rooms. But i just not interested to drop by. These places are a wee miserable. Yeah Im typing here miserably too. I should have appreciate my free time to do my assignments. You know the time is golden, dont waste it. But the thing is... I dont want to do that at the moment, right now. I prefer to rant. Oh great. In fact I've just finished 2 episodes of Gossip Girl and read some pages of Shopaholic Takes Manhattan. You know to entertain myself and polish up my english, but I still feel Im pathetic. If and only if I have a car and a friend right now, I could easily drive to the nearest cafe to chill and talk our way out. Because public transport is not convenient at my place and the taxi fares is horrible to afford by myself. I mean to and fro, I can already buy myself a nice chilly Frap.
I almost laugh myself out when I think whats the meaning of FRIEND. There are many types of friendship in the university, or I can say in the society.
You met them in an event, they were being so friendly who greets you and pump you with a lot of information because it's an event, and they were promoting something. So there they were, speaking with you as thought you and them are already befriended. One day, you meet them on the street, they spare you a glance, you wonder 'do they remember me??' but both of you just pass by each other. Your heart sinks. They couldnt recognize you, they will not know you unless you walk up and RE-introduce yourself. (I bet most people do not do that, they shall let it pass. People like me. Hmm!) Oh we have met! But it would be awkward if they keep nodding and oh-ah-yes-how-are-you-good-i-will-see-you-around but what's real is that they dont remember you. You wouldnt know it, but you can feel it. YEEP!
The thing is I can almost recognize all the faces which I met, except some who really do look alike others, because they cover their hair with cloth/scarf. I know that they're not suppose to expose certain parts of their body, BUT i mean in fact hair is so crucial when it comes to recognize people. Faces might look alike when they are in round, oval, square shapes. Now i have improved in recognizing people (fyi i enjoy people watching) but still sucks with names. Maybe I should write them down, read them and not by just repeat verbally because 3 seconds later, I have forgotten the name utterly. Especially long name.
Resume to my friends topic, a group of people who are more or less only stuck together with one common purpose, or two. Class and assignments. How to keep these people together in one place? First you have to elect a person to organize a hang out and a meal gathering. Because this is about 12 people who are having different ideas and opinions, sometimes the plan just have to cancel due to the fact that some do not want to compromise each other, or the plan just divided into few parts (luckily this hasnt happen yet). After lots of discussions and considerations about where to go and what to eat, here comes the transportation problem. Ok transport, checked! Either by taxi or bus, thats them. What i want to say is that it is really hard to keep a group of people, which included some strong self perspective people, to go on. I realised that it is rare and difficult to meet people with same interests, same ideas who can compromise or i should say Flexible, as if you have met these people, they might possibly not around you. So appreciate friends around you.
I abhor being inconvenient by transportation, I mean i was lucky back in hometown or other places where I usually have my own vehicle or helpful friends who are willing to fetch and drop me. But in this place, I encounter the neck of the bottle. I cant go to the places I want whenever or wherever. I do not have personal transportation, while public transportation is the pain in the ass. I wanted to befriend with some friendly and sincere people who are willing to give me a hand whenever i need a hand. I thought it could be a favor to the helpless me. But I feel like I've been cheated in a way. Cheated by myself, cheated by my own thoughts. Certain people took me for granted, as if I havent notice that. Not the car issue because i do not own a car. They just use you for temporary company. And this reminds me that I should keep in touch with other precious friends of mine, maybe some of them would think i am that kind of person as well. Because if i can feel it this way about other, why not them? University life can be a dream or nightmare. Maybe it was my fault in the beginning of the whole senario because i have set the wrong initiative. I just wish to meet some real friends in the university, perhaps it would be better if I added ' I would love to befriend with those with something in common with me! ', thats all. Not some poker faces. This is a rough time. I have never feel so lonely before. But all of these shits have contribute so much to the spiritual relationship between God and I. Thank God, I still have Him by my side all the time.
I miss my family, I really miss my friends!!
And you too, yes you, if you are reading this.
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