Blurp*

First, I dont know what happened to myself recently but there were a lot of tears and devastating thoughts going on. Exam pressure maybe?? Urgh I totally abhor it, year 2009 has been the worst year ever. I think I sucks in handling my own pressure. Second, picture that year 2012 is going to be last year of everyone, well what are you going to do? Do or say something that you'll never ever do? This actually triggers my mind to think of what I have not done. I really want to do something, or anything but I couldnt figure out what. It is very disturbin' when you yourself actually do not know what is your mind thinking. It feels like there is an explosion happen every few minutes, utterly uncomfortable. Third, I hate to interrupt friends when I know that they're having their time at some place while Im here in need of support/prayers terribly desperately but I couldnt bear to just call in and break down. Because I feel that they would 'uh oh...' and thinkin what to do or what to say, practically just stand still and wonderin HOW?! There isnt much they could do immediately. Would they let down the thing they're doing? Would they'll drive thru and buy a HappyMeal for you and make you smile again? Would they try to say something bright and encouraging which works? Or would they just chicken out and say 'Oh i`ll call you back' then no voice is heard. I had a situation before that, in fact not only once, there were a few times that I had outspoken my problems to you, then you simply threw a oh-it-doesnt-matter comment at me and Ciao! Like you have nothing to do with it, maybe you're right, it got nothing to do with you because that was my problem. Ohya very nice of you then when you ever considered we are good friends and using the phrase 'sharing is caring'. After the disaster was over, you gradually concerned and tryin to dig out what happened to me. Pretending like you care, but guess what? You are no longer in my list of emergency. I reckon that you are going to emphatize my fellow good friends because they have to hear my whining and received my silence treatments as if you ever realised that 'Oh she's talking about me'. Label me insane/mad/lunatic lady for speaking like nobody's business here, whatever! Because Im not feeling well right now, plus your issue has been bothering me for a very long time. Should I just confront to you or I just need to keep my mouth shut which you'll never know that you are you while I just got to bear with the unnecessity.