CrushCrushCrush

i can write a longer post no more, i dont know why. maybe because im out of words, or im no longer enthusiastic to write? i loved words, i loved alphabets, i loved number but i abhor calculation. due to my likeness towards number, i even watch the series Numb3rs. i think Charlie is brilliant, he can relates anything to mathematics including anything-you-can-think-of, very logical. im just sucks at calculation so one of my ambition to become a professional accountant was vanished into thin air. imagine how many millions of number you need to observe and make no mistake at all. unfortunately for me, i tend to make mistake even when i am tryin to insert the numbers into my calculator when im pressin the buttons. however im taking physics for stpm, an utterly self-opposing choice because it needs logic which your brain must have the ability to twist and turn after you have learnt a theory and a lot of calculation to do. i didnt realised that until it's too late, now. i regretted, i depressed, i reconsidered and i continued because there's nothing else i could do. it's nearly the time, i simply hope that it passes really fast because i cannot stand it anymore, even though i know that time speeds like lighting. i found out that monday and tuesday passes really slow, but wednesday onwards simply flash by. i keep telling everyone that i love friday! =) which i hope they understand it with their sixth sense, and learn to love friday too! when people try to figure how am i, what kind of person am i, i was wondering as well, because i dont understand myself too. tryin to keep myself as a mystery human yet wanting people to know that im actually already who i am. stupid silly silly boom boom. i want to let people know how i think yet fear to show them. i want them to know how i feel yet fear to let them question me. i hate questions, because i have a lazy mind to think of the answer. everytime when i think 'oh i must talk to that stranger and become friends', i often failed by showing a numb and egoistic expression. it's like a red light for incoming conversation. i feel horribly sorry to those whom i did not spend as much time as i was the last time ever since the last time we had uberly fun together, hopefully you know who you are. sometimes i feel like a fool, because im always tryin to make people around me happy by agree to do this or that but ended up makin myself completely miserable. when everyone are at the highest peak in a party, i just start to step out from my ground state tryin to fit in. that's too late darling! perhaps that's the new world im stepping into. hello get out from your comfort zone and watch the world rolls! when i sees the four walls in my living room after i was back from the crowd, i feel as empty as a plastic bottle. why everytime when im not feeling all right, i tend to write a lot? omg i feel like im doing a confession and this is fucking humiliating. bloodyheck im not feeling optimistic right now, may you read this and then forget about it. i do not expect for anyone's sympathy nor solace. last and most crucial, no questions please! thank you very much. your comprehension is fully appreciated.