SECRETS

Im so stressful until I couldnt think properly, what's the priority and what's not.

I feel so irresponsible!

Jobs not done, all messed up.

Stupidity, childishness

I couldnt sleep well these nights, always awake at 5am.

I just wish that I have a fairygodmother.

the more i bother, the more i care,

the more i become who i am not.

the more i want, the more i need,

the more i become clueless.

the more i expect, the more i strive,

the more i get disappointment.

the more i understand, the more i know about myself,

the more doubts i find.

HOLIDAY

Im having my favourites, white coffee and toasted bread with butter and sugar on it. YUMM! The room is dark, only lighten up with the light coming out from the laptop screen. It is a gloomy evening, feels like home alone but im not. It is just too quiet, just like the evening i love to spend at home. If Im awake at this time after taking a nap, i'll be having my mood swing definately. I need to be initiative to not feeling empty.

PM

Im starting to read again! I was reading "how to think like a great graphic designer" which has 249 pages. There was a number of books given by my Horticulture lecturer for us to refer to, well i picked to read this ebook first because of the captivating title.

Besides, i found out that my room is the perfect spot for people watching activity. As you didnt know, my room is facing directly to the walkway, anyone walking in and out i see, if my curtain is open. Though, sometimes it kind of annoying listening to the heavy footsteps made by people and their scary laughters and blah blah chit chatting noise. Since it is the Ramahdan month, most of us, non Muslims are stocking up our food closet, not that we have a closet for food, but thats what running pass my brain. Hmm bread is really important to us, it fills our stomach when we have no other choices of food out there. Cafeteria has been selling the same old dishes, everyday, ever since years ago. It bores me when i think about that.

I just filled my stomach with Campbelli's instant soup and a few Chipsmore cookies. I had a good sleep in the afternoon. I like it when lecturer dismiss the class earlier. I like it when im about to dry laundry and there is the sunny sky! I like to stare outside my window to see the rain pours down. Here, i get to see the rain directly from where i seated. There was a thunder growling through the sky and a person was closing her ears to filter the volume. I need to get something comfy for my chair because i need to sit on it for hours and it is killing my butt. My butt is suffocating! I abhor sitting for a long period, thats why i never interested in becoming a clerk who needs to be seated for hours.

I guess i need to get back to my reading. I still have a number of assignments to finish, but i have no intention in doing them at the moment. I was having the gloomy evening mood again.

So called Muchness

So Jaslyne Joon wanted me to update my blog, she missed the MUCHNESS which i do not understand what is that. Im doing drafting for my assignment tomorrow, about shapes. Oh im currently blogging in my room, I borrowed Lily's maxis broadband! It's super convenient and easy, me like it. No need to walk to the studio which is 5 mins walk away, in the dark, on the quiet street in the campus. I went to Tebrau City Mall with my friends today, we took taxi which cost us a fortune. We kind of swear that we will not go there by taxi anymore except emergency, which means we will probably go there if there is somebody kind to drive us there or by any chance there's free transportation. We watched Salt! The lady starring by Angelina Jolie, is very brave and smart and awesome! Super spy she is. Well i spent a lot on food today, i was supposed to save money you see cause i spend like flowing water. PHUSH! Gone fly kabumm the end.

I need books! Story books! Im rotting.

MadHatter

I like scented body wash nowadays, it cheers me up! My room currently is stinky with the smell of wet laundry which i abhor very much, i need to get an air refresher!! Wardrobe air refresher is not working out properly, not enough of apple scent which suppose to be heavy. Blah! I have no idea why am i writing about this. So far, i have check out a few malls in Johor. The best is Tebrau City Mall, however Sutera Mall has an amazing landscape which wow me, especially the washroom because the project is carried out and designed by Singaporeans. So you know how it

should looks like.

I have a thing for washrooms, clocks and lamp posts. I went into a few deco shops which sell some adorable clocks, intended to get one but it is a little pricey. So much for having many thoughts before making a purchase. Sometimes i doubt about myself, i couldnt make an instant decision even if just ordering food or drinks, of course not talking about choosing a boyfriend or life partner. I often have 2 choices at one time, then i will be having BIG problem to crack my mind to choose either one, which usually takes up a lot of the golden time. At last, making a rush decision which is unsure because time is running out.

Im liking my studio assignments because it gives me chance to express whats running wild in my mind. Now i have the chance and excuse to doodle some crazy nonsense which entertains me.

Hopefully this course is my cup of coffee. Speaking of coffee, I havent take a sip of Starbucks drinks for 3 weeks already. I miss Starbucks like hell, couldnt find the alike thinkers here. Nescafe isnt giving me the satisfaction, though it is kicking my every day. Trying to cut down the intake of caffiene because im afraid that it will decrease my state of memory, which i already having problem to memorize certain stuff. Thinking about the plants scientific names that im going to gallop in my brain in the future simply gives me fear. I seriously need somebody

to speak English with me here, or else my language is going to slack down and become unefficient. I dont give a damn of trying to speaking Malay unless it is really really neccessary.

I must approach people around me with a smile on my face. Teehee, convince myself to feel good and be friendly.

Latest.

Best thing that ever happen ever since i come to Johor is the trip to KL =)

Im looking forward for anything much interesting to happen. Life has been miserable, and I wish that misery could end as soon as possible. Maybe it's up to me whether things will work out or not. To be continued...

Meletup!

Here i am again!

Im very upset because i dont get to do what i like and want right away. Im going to work later! Yet Im desperate to play Ultimate on the field as well. Same goes for tomorrow. What the heck am i doing?! I want to play and sweat my heart out. Grr! I AM PISSED.

My grandma is whining and nagging by herself because her grandkid cant get her what she wanted to eat! I think she is upset too.

I taste my own fruits now, where i used to treat others like that? I taste the bitterness. Even if you're fucking bored and looking for somebody to talk to? Didnt i ever cross your mind? wtf, I need some dramas for my life. I think Im handicapped for some reasons, cause i cant even walk on my own, cant think for my own, cant do it on my own. Oh look at the bright side of my life, they are history. How about present? I doubted everything. Confusing much, i cant read anyone's face or mind.

I didnt know how to bring back the happiness from the past, or make it work again.

Sometimes, things just change.

Chances come and go.

Things happen at the right and certain time, I dont know.

Am i hinting myself to enjoy present? Weird thought.

A Quickie!

So now im part of the BIG family now, im supremely thrilled!! Like dreams come true stuff =) The workload is pretty heavy but it all worth it, i've learnt more about coffee knowledge and starbucks experience. I've met a few partners whom are tremendously friendly, and im glad that im working with them. Im sure there are a lot of others out there to be meet!! Well just ignores the bads and appreciates the goods, that's LIFE.

wakeupcloud & wisebread have been very helpful to me for the upcoming course interview that i'll be facing a couple days later. There are posts by people which are extremely inspiring, worth reading and discovering. Meanwhile, that also initiate my urge to update a quickie. Sharing is caring! A confession to made, that is i've been an individualistic person before and now learning to include myself in a team, sharing responsibility and care for others. It was super difficult for myself, even for now too, but im sure i can outdo myself.

Ok! i love my life now, even though it is hectic and inglamourous.

Who give a damn?

II

So much for trying to sleep before 12. Well it doesnt work out as i expected, hence you see me here writing again. I have cleared my mind, figure out what leads to heartache, after attempting to sleep just now. Maybe my brain was doing well in the first 3 hours, sorting out the problems and when the work is done, im wide awake again. You cant change the habit in a day you know? Like i have been sleeping at the time when the fishmonger is getting ready to start their business. And you cant be totally selfless in one day, giving away everything you have just to make everyone happy or comfortable. But i still think that being a little selfish is what makes me me. There are many questions in my head that needed to be solved, not because that i regretted it to be happened or the chances just flew by but i just need to know why it happened. Im a stupid person therefore i need words to ensure what had happened or yet to be happened. Like i hate to figure out what are you trying to pretend or else you could just tell me straightly that you like to do this and so because blah blah blah. I will accept the fact and prefer to be told with open minded. How i wish people including me could speak out their mind aloud, so that others know. I dont know how to differ it out, but i rather let it go. Feeling better now and will make ways to get the answers for my questions.

E.MO

Tonight isnt a good night i beckoned, like people are trying hard to laugh and enjoy the moment. Maybe feeling worn out or the time is simply hard to kill. I feel helpless, begging for questions so that i could answer anything, eagerly. Well something is definately wrong with me. I must find someone to bug with!! Sometimes you get annoyed, and you speak out your mind straight to the point, so sharp and precise until it actually hit and break the heart without you realising it at that very moment until few seconds later and you regret. I know a way to not feel worry and bored late night, that's sleep before 12. Actually it is very healthy, mentally and also physically, just like how i pull it off when i was having my exam. Stress-less and enjoyable! But another thing i love about late night is that it is silent, feel like you own the world and the time belongs to you. Peaceful and comfortable. Yet, this is also the weakest and most fragile moment of all time. Mind goes cuckoo easily, inspirations flow like water and also depression is trying to destroy your wall of strength. I think i have friends, but when i scroll down the phone list i see no one to dial to. That's right, because i rarely call. They will be most probably be freak out to see my name blinking on the screen, and say Hey what's up? I should reply, Hey! I call just because i feel like calling. Great that you pick up and have a nice day, bye! Like what do i do usually? Maybe i should try this out some day, just for the sake of life. Hah i feel so pathetic. Anyways im just trying to make this post as long as possible by keep typing what i think instantly. This is fun! i love to do it once in a blue moon, and i think i need to enhance myself and learn more bombastic vocabulary! Man are from Venus, Woman are from Mars. Or the other way round? I have forgotten the title of the book, well im curious about what is written inside the book and perhaps i should grab one and read it. Just for another new thing. Good Charlotte is still the all time favourite, their songs are still rocking my eardrums ever since i was young =) Man, i cursed too much recently, sinful. On the other hand, im also learning to be less self centered. Suddenly, i feel like im growing up. Adult. I need to try out something challenging yet crazy! I need a life!!

New.

I would love to meet those beautiful eyes very soon.

I

My life is good...
with the people around me.
Being so helpful and funny everytime.
It will be better if I found more meaningful things to work on.
spanish, dance, drawing, editing and etc.

An apple a day

Back from Hong Kong, fell sick but still managed to leave the house and meet up with friends. Ahh I MISS MY FRIENDS! However i have forgotten to quarantine myself at home for a week after travel from a foreign country, hopefully i dont bring any disease back to my beautiful island. Ever since i came back from traveling or i should say while im traveling, family have been bugging me to look for job and income, they said that i have spent too much and it's time to get working! Well i considered it's also the time for me to wonder what course i should study in the future. Jeez another stage of growing up. Now i have to request some golds from my parents for a seminar as my meter is already pointing Empty. I wondered, why people so care about their age by complaining about their bones, whether their eyes or skins are having wrinkles, or their legs are no longer walk a thousand miles, while an interesting and unpredictable life is awaiting them ahead? Just live life young in your mind and i reckon the number isnt the matter =)

Life fun.

Im actually doubt that my life is such boring and decided to type 'how to make life more fun' @ Google.

Here are the results.

1. Practice random acts of connection.
2. Make at least one just-for-fun phone call a day.
3. Look upon life as a Mystery School.
4. Have an exciting destination.
5. Rejoice each step of the way.
6. Strive for success - not for perfection.
7. Take a daily mini-vacation.
8. Just say "No".
9. Give yourself a place lift.
10. Share your life experience.

My analysis.
1. Ok, i shall think of some random acts of connection.
2. *looking at my phone list* Hmm.. I think that lady is busy and unavailable because she hasnt reply my message!!
3. I am practicing this. In fact, I even hope for magic and spells to be real so that life is more fun! Fine.. I always relate mystery and magic together. Too much of happily ever after and hocus-pocus.
4. Besides Gurney and Queensbay, name me some exciting destinations.
5. I will end up being a dotty woman by rejoicing too much at each step of the way at the street i walked.
6. What is success?
7. Day dreaming!!
8. Too much "No" in my life which I think it is a reason for my boring life.
9. I dont understand this.
10. But my life is too much of misery.

Im sorry.

Seem like I have lost the shine.
Hello sunny ray, where are you?

Tell me that im wrong.

I will learn, I will not escape anymore. So much to think, so much to worry. "I dont know " is no longer the answer for any problem. I always see fun and sunshine in other person but not in myself, as i always see me as the dull and bitter hidden snake in the rock. Secretly, I want to live my own fantasy fairyland with green sky fulled of stars, fairy dust which makes your dream comes true, a world with no frustration and no competition. This is just another of mine to escape the reality, 'oh another escapee, what a dork'. Sheez, I suppose im have nothing better to do than whining in my blog. I always think and do the things which are opposing, I dont know what i want. Im in confusion all the time, and i hate making decision between two. I wish i could like in a space with red walls, photographs and sparkling lightings hanging on the wall. Blue sofa and a black little table in the middle. A small aquarium with colourful tiny fishes swimming around like they prefer their life to be this way. Bittersweet, what an interesting word which hit me so hardly in my mind. I will use this time to figure out myself and what i want. Im tired of wandering around without knowing my purpose to live. Let the time flows away like it is not precious at all. No i have never think of ending my life which is never gonna happen.
Frankly, I dont wish anyone read this. Goodbye!

Hello, Im new.

And so the BIG event just ended on last thursday, which Im truly glad. However, life has become not so interesting. I sleep at 5am, wake up at 12pm. Whenever I feel bored, I want to get out from the house. Getting out from house means I have to spend which sooner or later I got to declare 'bankruptcy'. Life of a slacker.
I need a new life!

Fall

I just love how everything work out right now
less worries, less complications
I didnt want to expect anything,
because the unexpected would happen.